Wine, Women, and Widowhood: A Talmudic Exploration of Behavior and Stipends (Ketubot 65a)
How drinking wine affects a woman's behavior, cup by cup
A baraita describes how drinking wine affects a woman's behavior, cup by cup: one cup is fine, two cups leads to “disgrace” (ניוול), three cups causes her to explicitly proposition her husband to have sex, and four cups leads to her go so far as to “proposition sex from a donkey in the marketplace”.
תנא:
כוס אחד — יפה לאשה.
שנים — ניוול הוא.
שלשה — תובעת בפה.
ארבעה — אפילו חמור תובעת בשוק, ואינה מקפדת.
[...]
It was taught in a baraita:
One cup of wine is good for a woman;
two cups is a disgrace, as she will start to become drunk;
after three cups, she will become lustful and verbally request sexual intercourse, which is unseemly;
after four cups of wine, she will even request intercourse from a donkey in the marketplace, as at this stage she is so drunk that she is not particular about with whom she has relations.
[...]
The Tale of Rava and the Renowned Femme Fatale Homa
Abaye's widow, Ḥoma (חומא), approaches Rava, asking for him to set her stipend.1 Rava refuses to rule wine as part of her stipend, citing Abaye's non-drinking habit. Ḥoma insists that Abaye gave her large amounts of wine. As she lifts her arm to demonstrate the large size of the cups, her upper arm (דרעא) becomes uncovered, causing Rava to feel lustful. He goes home and asks his wife to have sex.
His wife, the daughter of Rav Ḥisda, suspects something and drives Ḥoma out of the city, accusing her of endangering another husband after losing three.2
חומא דביתהו דאביי אתאי לקמיה דרבא,
אמרה ליה:
פסוק לי מזוני! פסק לה.
פסוק לי חמרא!
אמר ליה: ידענא ביה בנחמני, דלא הוה שתי חמרא.
אמרה ליה: חיי דמר, דהוה משקי לי בשופרזי כי האי.
בהדי דקא מחויא ליה איגלי דרעא, נפל נהורא בבי דינא.
קם רבא, על לביתיה, תבעה לבת רב חסדא.
אמרה ליה בת רב חסדא: מאן הוי האידנא בבי דינא?
אמר לה: חומא דביתהו דאביי.
נפקא אבתרה,
מחתא לה בקולפי דשידא,
עד דאפקה לה מכולי מחוזא.
אמרה לה: קטלת ליך תלתא, ואתת למיקטל אחרינא?!
The Gemara relates: Abaye’s wife, Ḥoma, came before Rava after Abaye died, as Rava was the local judge.
She said to him: Apportion sustenance for me, as I am entitled to be sustained by Abaye’s heirs.
Rava apportioned sustenance for her.
She subsequently said to him: Apportion wine for me as well.
Rava said to her: I know that Naḥmani, i.e., Abaye, did not drink wine. Since you were not accustomed to drinking wine during your husband’s lifetime, you are not entitled to it after his death.
She said to him: By the Master’s life, this is not correct. In fact, he would give me wine to drink in cups [shufrazei] as large as this. She gestured with her hands to show how large the cups were.
While she was showing him the size of the cups, her arm became uncovered, and she was so beautiful that it was as though a light had shined in the courtroom.
Rava arose, went home, and requested intercourse from his wife, the daughter of Rav Ḥisda.
The daughter of Rav Ḥisda said to him: Who was just now in the courtroom? Noticing his unusual behavior, she suspected that there must have been a woman in the court.
He said to her: Ḥoma, Abaye’s wife, was there.
Upon hearing this, Rava’s wife went after Ḥoma
and struck her with the lock of a chest [kulpei deshida]
until she drove her out of the entire city of Meḥoza,
saying to her: You have already killed three men, as Abaye was your third husband, and now you come to kill another one, my husband Rava?! Since you showed him your beauty, he will want to marry you.
Rav Neḥemya's Ruling: Citing Local Custom in Providing Wine as Sustenance
The widow of Rav Yosef, son of Rava (רב יוסף בריה דרבא) approached Rav Neḥemya, son of Rav Yosef (רב נחמיה בריה דרב יוסף) for a stipend. Rav Neḥemya granted her request, and also included wine in the stipend. He justified including wine by noting that the residents of Meḥoza, where she lived, commonly drank wine.
דביתהו דרב יוסף בריה דרבא, אתאי לקמיה דרב נחמיה בריה דרב יוסף.
אמרה ליה:
פסוק לי מזוני! פסק לה.
פסוק לי חמרא! פסק לה.
אמר לה: ידענא בהו בבני מחוזא דשתו חמרא.
The Gemara relates a similar incident: The wife of Rav Yosef, son of Rava, came before Rav Neḥemya, son of Rav Yosef, for judgment.
She said to him:
Apportion sustenance for me. Rav Neḥemya apportioned a certain amount of sustenance for her.
She said to him: Apportion wine for me as well. He apportioned wine for her.
He said to her: I know that the residents of Meḥoza are accustomed to drinking wine, and therefore you, too, are entitled to wine.
Widow needing stipend for silk garments “for you, for your friends, and for your friends’ friends”
The widow of Rav Yosef, son of Rav Menashya of D’vil (רב יוסף בריה דרב מנשיא מדויל), approached Rav Yosef requesting sustenance, wine, and silk (שיראי) garments. When asked why she needed silk garments, she wittily replied: “For you, for your friends, and for your friends’ friends”, meaning, for her appearance to others.
דביתהו דרב יוסף בריה דרב מנשיא מדויל, אתאי לקמיה דרב יוסף.
אמרה ליה:
פסוק לי מזוני! פסק לה.
פסוק לי חמרא! פסק לה.
פסוק לי שיראי!
אמר לה: שיראי למה?
אמרה ליה: לך, ולחברך, ולחברורך.
Similarly, the wife of Rav Yosef, son of Rav Menashya of D’vil, came before Rav Yosef.
She said to him:
Apportion sustenance for me. He apportioned sustenance for her.
She added: Apportion wine for me. He apportioned wine for her.
She continued: Apportion silk garments for me.
Rav Yosef said to her: Why do you need silk garments?
She said to him: For you, for your friends, and for your friends’ friends.
מזונות - literally: “sustenance”, this is the term used to refer to the stipend the husband gives to his wife, including after his death.
Compare Dower - Wikipedia:
Dower is a provision accorded traditionally by a husband or his family, to a wife for her support should she become widowed.
On the term “sustenance”, compare Alimony - Wikipedia:
The term alimony comes from the Latin word alimonia ("nourishment, sustenance", from alere, "to nourish")